Confessions of a.....: Never drink Alcohol while PMSing

Confessions of a.....

gamer-chick, tom-boy, artist, poet, hopeless-romantic, and much more.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Never drink Alcohol while PMSing

So last night, New Years Eve. I don't usually do anything, except maybe go over to a friend's house. This morning I had to be at work at 10:00 am , so I decide just to hang out at home. Right now I'm living back hat home partly to save money, partly to help my family out. So I was alone until about 11:00 pm. My mom came home about 11:15, and I was talking to her, then it happened, nervous break down time. I talked about how I repress my feeling, how I'm depressed, I don't feel like I'm good enough. It was decided that I need to move out, but not till I get help. I will probably start seeing a therapist this month, and start the progression to move forward in my life.

I don't think anything traumatic happened in my life. I think one day I just started repressing my feelings of love and anger. I don't know why. My friends call me cold hearted because it's hard for me to cry in a movie. Well, it is true; I find it very hard to cry in a movie. But there are sometimes I bawl like a baby. Like when going to Disney and watching as parade, or a fireworks show. I don't know its weird.

Repressing my feelings has always affected my relationships, or lack there of. I now feel bad for my ex, Justin. He tried, I just couldn't show him. I don't think I was ever in love with him. But I pretended because that's what I was supposed to feel, but honestly I don't know what I was feeling at all. The main question is do I know what love is at all. I mean I love my friends, and I love my parents. But love where I love a man, to where I want to be with him? I don't know if I've ever felt that. My father, and my grandfather, and my brothers, I love. But I don't know if I ever was shown love by them, which could also be why I don't show love. I love my guy friends. But I don't know to what extent. I guess that the therapist will go over all of that.

posted by Kristin Michael @ 11:35 AM

0 Comments: